Everything I Say
by TrueYouth
Summary: Sequel to "All of My Mistakes". After Rose's return from Russia and Lissa giving birth to her daughter Rose is trying to get her position as Lissa's Guardian back, even though she never had it. Then suddenly the starts seeing a ghost boy who she gets a deeper and deeper relation to for every time they talk and discover new secrets and feelings...
1. Chapter 1: Plans

**Hey there! So here's the sequel to "All of My Mistakes". I won't talk so much since most of you will probably skip this part anyway. Please review after reading, I will only continue if I get reviews since it's not fun if people doesn't like this. If it doesn't say anything else it's Rose POV.**

**- Matilda**

Sometimes, life is a living hell. You know that you would do anything to make it good but still, you want that feeling. You want the burning anger inside of you when you feel that feeling. _That Feeling_, you can't describe it but you know it's there.

Sometimes, life is just perfect. You shine like the sun itself and well, there's a happiness that you would never trade. It's simple, hell or perfect… but sometimes, it's both.

Burning anger and burning desire, you're at the bottom of your mood but can whenever you like to get it to the top. Right now, I felt like an angry tiger.

I had to take all the shit but I could endure. At least until I was Lissa's guardian again.

"But Guardian Petrov! Think about it, Eddie didn't even follow Lissa to Russia. That means two moroi went to Russia, both without any guardians following them. Lissa was pregnant, so a little Dragomir princess was also in great danger. _I_ protected them both all by myself, okay maybe with a little help from Dimitri but almost all by myself. Isn't that good enough to give me a chance to be Lissa's guardian?" I exclaimed. Alberta rested her eyes on me. She looked very troubled but didn't have to speak before my "_dear_" mother did.

"You wasted your chance of becoming a guardian when you decided to be with Guardian Belikov and break all the possible rules!" Janine – my mother – shouted back at me.

"Are you any better?" I shot back. Her eyes widened and reflected anger – a lot of it.

Suddenly I didn't feel angry anymore, only frustrated because she didn't understand me.

"Are you up for an argumentation?" She asked and I shook my head and put on my 'Hathaway-act'.

"No, I'll just win anyways. If I'm going to argue for real, it should be with someone worthy my time to do it and your name is not number one on my list." When she didn't answer but only glared at me I continued, "Look, I won't break up with Dimitri because I love him…" Janine cut me off.

"You think you love him!" She yelled in anger and irritation. I shook my head in disbelief.

"I took off to Russia so that I could be with him! I love him, I know I do!" I yelled back. I felt that now was not the time to continue this. We were off track and I had no intensions to speak about me and Dimitri right now.

"Consider my opinion, Guardian Petrov." I finished and walked out. I felt like hitting someone but realized that it wasn't going to help, perhaps for the moment but it would only give me more trouble. After calming down I decided to go see Lissa, though because she now was a mother, I felt like being nice and check up first so that she wasn't all too busy.

I stood up against a wall and then allowed myself to enter her head.

She held her daughter in her arms, feeding her. Christian had just left and she would be alone until later tonight. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" She shouted across the room and in came… Dimitri? She was almost as shocked as me.

"Guardian Belikov is everything alright?" Lissa asked before putting the baby down.

"Princess please I've asked you to call me Dimitri, and yes everything is okay. Actually more than okay but there's something I need to ask you, something Rose _can not_ know!" He answered. Lissa's mouth formed into a smile.

"Of course, though…" She suddenly talked to me through our bond.

_Rose, you heard him. If you're in my head right now, then leave! In ten seconds I'll throw you out!_

She warned. While absorbing her words it took, looks like ten seconds. I was thrown out and now, I had no idea what they were talking about. It was freaking me out. I felt how the anger rose inside of me and I decided to go to her room. Pretending like knowing nothing I opened the door, without knocking, like usual and there they stood.

"Hi!" I said happily. I stepped into Dimitri's arms and kissed him softly.

_Why Rose?_

Lissa sighed through the bond and I smirked at her.

"Because Lissa!" I answered her though, I couldn't speak to her mind so Dimitri could hear me. He looked from me to Lissa and back to me again.

"I'm sorry but I'll have to leave now." Dimitri excused but before he went out he turned to Lissa, "Thank you princess for taking your time."

"It was my pleasure." She smiled back at him. "Hope that it'll all turn out well but I can promise you that it will." She continued before he walked out and left were me, Lissa and the little baby girl. Lissa brought the baby up in her arms again and she continued to sleep.

"Have you decided for a name?" I asked and Lissa tilted her head to one side examining the daughter she held.

"I do but I haven't talked to Christian about it and he has to agree to it before I tell you and you start going around everybody that you got to know the new Dragomir princess's name first of everyone." She laughed when she spoke the last part and so did I. Lissa, Dimitri, Adrian and well, everyone else that I was friends with, they were the only ones that could get me to laugh these times. It had been almost three months since I came home from Russia and since then I'd been trying to become Lissa's guardian but because of my "caring and thoughtful" mother I wouldn't be allowed.

"I see… Well, then tell me when it's decided. I want to be the one to know first!" She nodded in response.

"Of course you will." She laughed and I smiled back at her.

Walking over the glass plate felt so good. I liked that summer was back and I think that someone else did the same. I soon found myself in Adrian's arms. He smelled like alcohol, a lot of it too. He took a deep breath with his nose buried in my hair.

"Mmm…" He started as he inhaled the sent of me. "Summer is amazing, isn't it? All these feelings that you have buried so deep inside of you, I miss you little dhampir." He continued and sniffed in my hair again. I got myself out from his grip after some minutes.

"Adrian, I've missed you too but I did miss you sober." I joked and he almost fell backwards when he didn't have a hold of me and I don't mean because he so desperately wanted to hold me, I meant because he _needed_ to because he was too drunk to stand up by himself.

"You should try it little dhampir, it seriously calms your nerves." He laughed and I walked up to his side to steady him. We walked over at sat down under a willow tree. Adrian leaned against the tree trunk and I sat in front of him with my legs crossed as well as my arms were crossed over my chest.

He sighed heavily and I sighed too but I did it of amusement. How could someone get so damn drunk?

"You want some water?" I asked but he shook his head.

"I'm conscious, guess that's a good sign…" He sighed and I laughed.

"You can't really blame anyone else but yourself though." He just gazed at me through his – almost – closed eyes.

"So how are you doing little dhampir?" He asked and I shrugged before leaning back with my hands placed in the soft grass to steady me.

"Good I guess. Janine is really trying to piss me off since she won't allow me to become Lissa's guardian but if she thinks I'll give up eventually, then she really doesn't know me. Also Dimitri is up to something, he talks to Lissa about it but they won't tell me what it is." Now it was Adrian's turn to laugh.

"Maybe they're planning on doing something nasty?" He joked but I didn't think it was funny.

"Seriously Adrian! I need to know what they're up to, I'm going crazy!" I exclaimed and made a gesture with my arms and hands before lying flat on my back. The wind was messing up my hair that so "carefully" had brushed for once in a lifetime but the cold breeze against me face and arms felt so good and it made me calm. Though, my wonderful moment was interrupted by the person I wanted to see the least.

I rolled over so that I was lying on my stomach and leaning my head in my hands that was steadied from my elbows resting on the ground.

"What do you want?" I asked Janine. She frowned at the sight of Adrian.

"I can see that you're the type who takes care of your drunk friends…" She raised an eyebrow at me. That was to cross the line! She could talk bad about me and my father and other guardians but any of my friends was not okay! I was on my feet in a second and with my right fist I hit her hard in the face. She flew backwards but was on her feet in less then a second.

She brushed off the dirt from her clothes like the punch had been nothing but then I saw it… No way, not a chance that this could be happening. I walked past Janine to take a closer at him and then he moved towards me.

"Rose?" Janine asked as I stretched out my hand to the boy to touch him and he did the same, like he could have been my reflection in a mirror. I could feel him.

But, it should be impossible. The boy in front of me, he was a ghost…

**Oh, oh! What's with this mysterious boy? Why can Rose see him when she has her barriers up and how can he move, because usually ghosts have a super hard time speaking and moving. I'll try to update soon!**


	2. Chapter 2: Living Ghost

**Hey you wonderful ladies and gentlemen. I'm soooooooooooooo, soooooooooooooo, soooooooooooooo sorry for this late update (explanation in the end). I'm really trying to update this better. Please read the note in the end, it got some important information. **

Panicked and with my heart in my throat I stare at the boy. Bleached-blonde hair and dark

green eyes. The colours were pale but that was because he was a ghost. But I had my barriers up; there were no other ghosts here, only him. I examined his clothes, he was wearing a white sweater that had a chest pocket and a pair dark blue jeans.

"Who are you?" I asked in a whisper. He put his hands into his jeans pockets and examined me from top to toe.

"My name is Jamie Chance, and you are?" The boy said. He could speak too! That should barely be possible and he just does it like it's the most usual thing ever.

"I'm Rose, Rose Hathaway but… how can you speak and move and…?" I was overwhelmed though, I didn't know if it was positive or negative.

"My question is how can _you_ see_ me_?" I really hated when people answered my questions with questions!

"Well, I can see ghosts, I'm shadow kissed." I shrugged but I still couldn't figure out how he could speak and move and even walk right through my barriers.

"To answer your question Rose, I'm dead, kind of… I've been shadow kissed but hasn't woken up yet. My moroi has left me and I don't know where she is so if she doesn't return then, I can never wake up." His expression turned sad, really sad.

"Is there any way I can help you?" I had no idea why I offered this guy my help but I felt like it must be so lonely on the other side. I didn't know if Lissa perhaps had been by my side or maybe the moroi girl hadn't healed him to fully, maybe she was brought away before she could. Jamie's eyes lit up when I asked if he wanted me to help him. He nodded quickly.

"Can you help me find her?" He asked and I nodded slowly.

"I could try, what's her name?"

"Esmeralda Tarokoshv is her name, the last time I saw her was in South Dakota." He said hopefully. South Dakota, it wasn't way too far away from here, maybe if I travelled by tomorrow I could be there in a couple of hours, maybe a day. I could ask Dimitri to come with me and we could search for this Esmeralda together.

"I'll try to find her. Though, if you wake up, will you be…"

"Shadow kissed, yes." He ended my sentence.

"You need to leave! If I can see you I'll just be distracted and please, don't interrupt my private life!" I shot in before he vanished into thin air.

Now I had my next problem, telling Janine and Adrian what the hell I've been seeing…

I knocked quick and hard on Dimitri's door and his irritated voice could be heard as he came closer and closer to the door.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He said frustrated and then opened the door. I almost hit his head with my fist because I was still knocking. He looked happy over seeing me and I was happy seeing him too. He was only wearing his black training trousers and a towel around his neck. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his hair was wet which showed that he'd just come out from the shower. I stood on my tip toes and kissed him passionately, wrapping my arms around his neck while pulling him down towards me.

"Are you up for an adventure comrade?" I asked after pulling away. He raised an eyebrow.

"What are you now planning? What's the crazy – but working – plan that you can only understand if you understand Rose-logic?" He laughed and I kissed him again, this time only light and one single peck on his lips.

"I need to find someone, a moroi girl." I said as I looked into his beautiful brown eyes.

"Do you know her or have you just decided to find an unknown moroi girl of all of them?" He raised an eyebrow at me. I shrugged and snatched his phone from his pocket. He sighed as he understood. I googled her name but it showed no results. Then suddenly Jamie was there again.

"What are you doing here again?" I asked, sounding angrier than I was supposed to. Dimitri looked confused but he didn't really get my full attention right now. Suddenly I could see his true expression. Sadness, depression, frustration and even anger were reflecting over his features. Tears were running down his cheeks but his face held a mostly angry and maybe frustrated expression.

"I found her…" He said in a pale, dark and low voice with his eyes fixed on the ground.

"You found who?" Before he spoke her name I understood who he meant.

"I found Esmeralda." His lifeless eyes finally looked up at me but I almost wish they hadn't.

I tried to touch him but he recoiled at the sight of my hand closing the distance to his shoulder.

"What happened to Esmeralda? Tell me where I can find her and help her." I tried but he shook his head.

"It's too late to save her." I, Rose Hathaway was actually offering him my help and I could manage to do the impossible but he rejected my offer?

"You shouldn't have come to me if you were to give up you idiot!" I yelled irritated at him.

"But it is too late Rose! Esmeralda is dead! I found her at her friends place and she was stone dead, murdered." He yelled back and now tears were streaming down his cheeks instead of just running down along them.

"Should you be able to see her then or shouldn't I?" I tried to sink down my barriers and call on her but no girl showed up, no more then other old ghosts. There was no new face and no one came stepping forward when I called for her.

"That's the thing, she's dead but she's not a ghost."

Then she's got to be alive, somewhere in our very big, no huge world…

**Sorry for such a short chapter but I've been and I AM super busy! I'm going crazy with all this HW. I'm actually on my way to get sick but all of you hold your thumbs for me that I won't! Please, please, please review! I got like 1 or 2 reviews last time so I'll let you know that I WILL quit this story if I don't get reviews!**

**I'll try to prepare the next chapter after the other etc so that I can upload 1 new chapter every week. **

**VERY IMPORTANT: I'm going to try to write a m rated scene but I need to know how many of you think this story need one. I'll try my best but as I've said before I'm very inexperienced but I thought about checking other people's out or maybe ask someone for help. PM or review telling me what you think. **


	3. Chapter 3: Mission Impossible

**I know it's been a while since last time but with the books I'm writing there's not a lot of free time. I'm on my way to publish one of them so wish me good luck :)**

**I haven't gotten a lot of reviews which really disappoints me since I love writing for you guys but if you don't want me to continue I guess I have to start thinking of a new, great VA story …**

**Enjoy!**

I manage to find Dimitri when he was strigoi in Russia, the biggest country in the world and he didn't even want to be found but I did. Now I was looking for this Esmeralda girl and there was no track of her. I searched through every single village, starting with north and south America and then I would go to Europe and if not there, Asia and Australia. Something told me that it would take a while, well, I guess that I could endure for a while.

Right now I lay in the bed with Dimitri's naked body pressing towards mine. His thumb was caressing my cheek gently and I had my eyes closed.

"Mmm…" I moaned and opened my eyes only to meet his warm dark brown ones.

He smiled at me and I rolled on top of him. His arms were holding my, no, pressing me to his chest and I kissed him, letting my tongue slide into his mouth. Another moan left my mouth and soon I was underneath him. Dimitri pulled away and I murmured ugly words under my breath.

"What?" He asked raising an eyebrow at me.

"Aren't we going for a round two?" I gave him my puppy eyes and he laughed under his breath.

"No Roza, I can't handle that." When he said that I pushed him off me and turned my back to him, pretending to be morose.

When he started to kiss my neck I had to fight to not giggle because I didn't giggle but it tickled.

"No, stop it Dimitri! It tickles, oh for god sake stop!" I pushed him away but he held me tightly and didn't let go even though I tried. I laughed and folded myself double on the bed but our little moment was interrupted by Adrian that entered the room and threw himself on the bed.

"Really Adrian?" I exclaimed and dragged the blanket so the it covered my naked body from his vision. He leaned close to me and I could feel his warm breath on my ear.

"What do you say about a threesome little dhampir?" He joked, or so I hoped.

I stood up, wrapping my blanket around my body and changed into something more appropriate for the night which happened to be a dark blue, shimmering, strapless dress that reached me to my ankles and I put my hair of in a elegant coiffure that actually made me look like a lady.

So why was I dressing up? Well, today was Christian's birthday and believe it or not but I was actually going to celebrate it! I had to get a break from all the searching after a missing girl that no one had seen since the past three months. Also Lissa had begged me to dress up nicely and I guess for her I could do it, and also I wanted to make Dimitri faint at the sight of me. Not literally but you know what I mean.

I came out from the bathroom and the two men that stood dressed in their suits and talking to each other dropped their chin's to the ground at the sight of me in the fantastic dress that I was wearing. I walked up to them and lifted their chin's up and laughed at them.

"Are you guys just going to stand there and stare at me or are you actually going to escort me to this party or whatever you can call it?" I smiled and hooked both my arms in each of their arm. We came down to the "lobby" of the castle and Lissa's eyes widened when she saw me.

"Oh. My. Dear. God… Is that really my Rose Hathaway?" Lissa exclaimed and Christian ran up to her side with their daughter in his arms, clearly afraid that her scream meant bad news but even Christian couldn't tear his eyes away from me when I caught his eyes.

"Really guys? I thought that it was your idea that I was going to wear this dress Lissa?" I muttered and she nodded her head slowly as an answer.

"I did but I never thought that you could enter a fashion show in that dress. Sure it was expansive but that dress looks like… Oh hell, I don't know how to describe it." Lissa tried to say without screaming like a real girly girl.

I looked thought my purse after my cell phone I remembered that I forgot to plug it out from the charger.

"Shit!" I swore under my breath. "Look guys, you go and I'll be right behind you, forgot my phone and I'm waiting for a call that I can't miss. Catch up with you later." I gave Dimitri a quick kiss before heading up to my room.

The corridor was awfully silent and I felt my whole body tense. I looked around me, studying every possible direction before locking up the door and getting my phone. When I turned around the pale face looked the same as always.

"Jamie! You scared me you idiot!" I shouted at him, upset as I was for him making me jump. I walked passed him but when I heard him sob I turned around quickly and looked at him in pain.

"What is it, what do you need me for this time?" I sighed as I frowned.

"I talked to… people, and I found out that there's some kind of spell that the old witches used that can help us find Esmeralda but for the spell we need someone shadow kissed, someone that is alive and then you're the only option. But the procedure is pretty long, or actually no, it's rough." He said paralyzed.

"Just tell me what to do and I'll fix it." He nodded but still seemed like thinking this wasn't such a good idea.

"We need a sacrifice, not any sacrifice either. We need the sacrifice of a child from a shadow kissed. After the child is born we need to kill it and someone with spirit powers will awaken this baby and because we've done a spell while he or she has been dead it'll lead us to whoever we seek. When we've found Esmeralda the child will disappear, turn into ash and fly away with the wind, find peace." Jamie explained and it was making me sick.

"Wait, what…? You're asking me to have a baby just to kill it so that you can find your beloved? Not a chance, I'm already at the bottom of my mother's list over people she likes and if I had a child I would sink under that list to the list over people she hates the most and guess what? I would be number one! Also, I can't have a child, not with the man I love so that's end of discussion. We don't even have someone that would awaken the child after its death and I will not let either Lissa or Adrian do it!"

Jamie looked like he would break out in tears any second.

"I thought about some of it or at least reasons to why we should do this, how. One, if you're at the bottom of your mothers list then who cares if she hates you even more? Two, I don't think Lord Ivashkov would mind getting you pregnant, he likes you, a lot. Three, it doesn't have to be Adrian or Lissa, it could be any spirit user but it would hurt either of them since they won't be bound to the baby for so long." Jamie tried but I shook my head as response.

"No chance, I won't do this." I walked away but Jamie followed me and gave me a death glare.

"You will do this Rose! You promised to help me and this is probably the only way to find Esmeralda. Wouldn't you want me to do the same for you if it was Dimitri? I'll tell you what; I'd actually do it for you! I'd try to understand!" He yelled at me and I recoiled and pushed myself up towards the wall as he came closer. I shivered as he's hand touched my skin on my neck and I could feel it, usually I couldn't but with him, everything was different. He leaned close to me and I felt his cold breath near my ear.

"You will help me if I so have to make you do it by force." He whispered and then he disappeared. I stood still for minutes, paralyzed. I didn't know if I should of cried or laugh at his behaviour so I did neither, instead walked down to the lobby in silence, eyes wide and hands shaking.

I didn't want to do this, it was true that I'd always wanted a family but with Dimitri and not Adrian. Wasn't there any other way?

And worse was, if I had this child, I had to kill it and then he or she would be gone, gone just like Lucy…

**I know this is kind of dramatic but it was just an idea that popped up in my head and well, I kind of had to write it! What did you think? **

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